Part 3: "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

*** edit: this post was taken down during our in-country process for safety and security issues. Therefore the date published shows the date I am republishing

 WE HAVE A COURT DATE. 

IN EXACTLY THREE WEEKS. 

WE LEAVE IN (almost) TWO WEEKS. 

SAY WHAT????

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

HOW!?
- there was another family scheduled (with the same attorney/agency/judge) for the same date we now have for our court date. Their child's case wasn't going to be ready, and the attorney for "J's" case, asked if her new family's paperwork was ready (that's us!), to take this date.
* Remember, her case had already been submitted to the courts several times, her document collection, investigation, witness testimony, court paperwork, had already been DONE, long ago! They were just waiting on us to get our paperwork in!!  

All of our my crazy paper-trail-tracking/collecting, paid off!
I promise you, I gathered documents for our updated dossier, in what HAD TO BE record timing. ;)

Because the agency told him YES, we had our paperwork ready.

Then the agency called us, and asked what we thought, could we make that work, on rather short notice?

WE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!   

(before she even finished asking the question, of course. ;) ha! I see a trend of saying 'yes'!)

We were SO NOT expecting a court date until January at the VERY (very!) earliest, more likely, in February. November 13th? THIS WAS/IS AMAZING!!!!!!

I mean, I was totally praying for a miracle for a court date before the end of the year. But I also knew the REALITY of that. I actually was asking God, "Lord, I'd even be ok with one of those crazy scenerios where families find out with little to no advance timing! Really! I would be!" HA!

AND HERE WE ARE!!!!

Within an hour of finding this out, we had tickets on hold, then purchased, family/friends for Carver and Macy lined up while we're gone, and a packing list started! Woo! 

PRAISE GOD! 

HIS HAND IS CLEARLY ALL OVER THIS. 

REDEEMING HER STORY.
THANK YOU, LORD!  

 We get to see "J" in less than 20 days! Hallelujah! :)  

Please pray that this judge will see us as scheduled. We are taking a huge leap in faith leaving and knowing this judge really only adheres to his schedule and mood (he's known for saying you have a court hearing at say, 10am, shows up at 2:00pm, sees you at 6-7:00pm or later or not at all.)

 I'm terrified we will fly there and he won't see us. :( please pray with us. Please pray that God will provide for all of these expenses. We are truly walking by faith with this adoption but fully know this is what God's will is for us, and are saying yes over and over without knowing the next step/the final step. Ah! We are praying he allows ALL of the pieces to fall into place and that His favor would be upon us and provide in miraculous ways. 

HOW LONG WILL WE BE GONE: 

We are only going to UG for one week. This new judge we have is known to take his sweet time to give a ruling....being that we have had  zero time to fundraise/money set aside for this adoption like we did before, we just can't afford to have me there paying for lodging, travel, food, etc, leave Carver and Macy in the care of family and friends that long, and we ALSO have Carver and Macy's court date to finalize their adoption, here in the US. Goodness gracious. 

WHILE WE WAIT: 

While the judge writes the ruling/makes his decision, we'll enjoy the last couple weeks of our family of four, Thanksgiving with family, and the vacation Beau had planned for us long before we knew we were adopting again. The ultimate baby moon I guess. (oh man.) 

AHopefully after those few weeks, we'll find out the judge's decsion, and I'll head back in December and remain there with "J", until the process is finished. Most likely, into January. (please, don't even remind me I'll be missing C&M's first Christmas aka MY ALL TIME FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR, obsessively favorite. I won't be mad if you start praying for my heart now.) it really is the most wonderful time of the year. Beau said he will leave the Christmas lights on the house and on, until we come home - and have a belated Christmas as a family of 5. :) 

Part 2: Christiansen Party of 4 to 5...When He wants your "YES!"

*** edit: this post was taken down during our in-country process for safety and security issues. Therefore the date published shows the date I am republishing

Yes I know it's long.
Grab a blanket, a snack, or coffee, and see what God did over the course of a few weeks.
Here's how our family went from four to five.

We pray this brings GLORY to His name.

* * * I want to be respectful of the previous party involved in this story, so I won't be using names.
However, it is a part of this story of how J came to be a part of our family, I will try to share as vaguely as I can, but wanting to give the full background of what God did, making good of an unfortunate situation.

Remember when......

July/August 2014:
Some of you will remember that I traveled solo to Uganda to meet Carver and Macy, I spent my ENTIRE time in Uganda AT the baby home. The staff was gracious enough that because I was there by myself, they graciously welcomed me to sleep, eat, and spend my day there. This means I got to know these women who take care of these children, and of course all of the children there for almost two solid weeks around the clock.

January/February 2015: Beau and I traveled back to Uganda for court for two weeks, again spending lots of time at the baby home. It was another chance to spend time with Carver and Macy, the staff, and other kiddos.

* I tell you this because it's need to look back and remember that J not only knows Carver and Macy, but also Beau and I from all of my/our trips.

August 2014 to August 2015:

For public blog purposes, and to make a long story short, our sweet seven year old had been previously matched with a family for over a year. We were once connected with this family through a mutual friend on social media, and I would send photos of "J"to the family, on several of my trips to UG, and walked through the process together for this year (as our case for C&M was moving at the relatively same pace as "J's" adoption).  They ironically lived in the same state as us, and we would often talk about the future when all three of our adopted kiddos would be HOME and just a couple hours from each other, and discussed meeting places for Carver, Macy, and "J" to see one another as they grew up! From Uganda to Iowa- maybe life long friends!

The reason her case is moving so quickly now that she's been matched with us, is that during this year the family was matched with her, she was submitted to, and had several court dates. For reasons I won't be sharing here, the family was unable to attend those court dates, eventually (for unconfirmed reasons to us) no longer moving forward with her adoption. With that being said, her case has been 'grandfathered' into the court system per say, and just needed her new family's paperwork from stateside, to be resubmitted with her case.

When Beau and I found about her being available for adoption again, well......God started to move. :) Here's that story below.

It started when I seemingly, randomly, texted Beau while he was at work with a "You're never going to believe this!" text.  Briefly sharing with him what I had just come to find out. Heartbroken, frustrated, and wondering what in the world had happened. Heartbroken for "J", who was old enough to know what was going on- and left waiting again.

And so it begins.......

Thursday, August 20, 2015. 

After Beau's astonishment after sharing with him what I had come to find out, I texted back and said half joking, yet oddly familiar from a year prior, "Man, I almost want to email "Betty" (name change, but she is the person in contact at the agency this girl had been referred to.)
** Side note: The agency that "J" was referred to, is a different agency than we used. As in, there are two different agencies that are partnered with this baby home. The one we went through for Carver and Macy was in Iowa. And this agency is in a different state. I had known this gal from all the times I would reach out with pictures on children I spent time with on our trips, to pass on to their families matched with those children.) 

....back to it, I texted Beau saying, "Man, I almost want to email "Betty" and tell her WE'LL TAKE HER!" Beau waited a while and texted me back, "We'll talk about it when I get home!!" (Ironically again, we were on our way to have family (of four) pictures that night, ha!) My mouth fell to the floor by the way. I expected Beau to say, "Uh. No way!? We just came home with two kids!?" And in talking to him after, he said he had a big long text typed up saying "no"/you're crazy ;) - then deleted it and said "lets talk". Ah! Is that not the Spirit working? His immediate flesh response was NO. Jesus intervened. Beau

Our night of family pictures continues, my heart and mind, TOTALLY distracted, and semi-nervous to bring it back up to Beau again.

Friday, August 21, 2015. 

Well, after talking together, and with Beau's permission, I eventually reached out, telling Betty that if  "J for SOME reason becomes available for adoption again, (not revealing how I knew, but that I did know!) we would be interested if they couldn't find a family for her."
I can't explain WHY Beau and I were united on this. Or WHY we reached out. We were nuts. We weren't looking to add to our family. Certainly not this soon. Certainly never thought of an "older" child - and Beau had dreamed of another boy if we ever did add, so Carver had a wrestling buddy. ;) LOL but no. People, we were DONE. We were smooth sailing. We were 1,000% content with our family of four. We had a flawless transition for the kids when they came home. We have all adoption fees finally paid off from the first go around. Celebrating with a vacation come December, THAT confident we were done-zo. (See last post for all our reasons to say NO!) 

That Friday morning I reached out, "Betty" responded almost immediately. She was super kind, super professional, thanked us for reaching out, of course we knew she couldn't tell us details if "J" was indeed available, why, or anything. But we at least had thrown it out there. 

August 22-31, 2015

It was left at that. Thinking, well she can get ahold of us. We later found out, that she was on vacation that whole next week. Oh the agony. ;)
So the following week, then Monday, Tuesday went by, and I was going crazy. I mean nuts. Like the kind of nuts that was happening before Carver and Macy entered our hearts in a process that wasn't in our timing. I'm telling you, my mind and heart were steadfastly searching God's word, praying ceaselessly, seeking wisdom and asking friends to pray for God's will. (SUPER COOL to look back in my prayer journal from these days!) 

I knew something was happening.  Praying that He would bring a family to her SOON. Still thinking it wouldn't be us, because, seriously you guys, WHY WOULD IT BE US? This was INSANE. But God wouldn't let it go. I kept telling a few friends, that I could NOT get her off my heart and mind. We shared with Carver that we were praying for a family for "J". He would randomly ask to stop and pray for her. And sometimes, even telling me, "Mom, she can be my sister!?!?"....SO matter of factly, it kinda scared my pants off. We just said we would pray for God to bring her to a family that would love her and love Jesus. 

Wednesday, September 2, 2015.

We still heard nothing. I reached out to a friend and asked her what I should do. Wait to hear from Betty? Or reach out on Wednesday night to just ask and see what had happened to "J"? Had she been matched? She encouraged me to reach out and explain to Betty why we were reaching out, that we were serious still, etc. it couldn't hurt. ;) 

I think I texted a dozen close friends/family asking for them to pray over the email I sat over, shaking, and praying over. Then I pushed send, knowing it would be waiting for Betty first thing Thursday morning. Thursday went by. 

Friday, September 4, 2105. 

Friday, I received an email (now two weeks after our initial inquiry). Betty thanked me for reaching out once again, sharing with me how sweet and amazing it was that we cared so much for J, but that she was in the process of matching her with her *hopeful* forever family. And also, that according to the state the agency was in, weren't allowed to match a child with a family who came home with adopted children within six months. 

So it was a "no" again. The second time we were shot down. I kept calling out to God asking Him why I kept feeling as if He was saying she would be ours? But hear "no" over and over again? This poor lady at the agency probably thought we were just as nuts as we thought we were! Part of me, although unsettled with hearing no again, would be lying if I told you we weren't the slightest bit "relieved". We seriously could not get over how crazy this situation was. What were we thinking?

I continued to ask Him to bring her a family, take her from my heart and mind, and give me peace. 

A friend encouraged me that sometimes God gives us situations to see if we will obey and say yes. That sometimes He wants our "yes", but doesn't always need or use it in that moment or circumstance. But later on He may. For the same situation or for something different, months or years later. I was at peace with that. I was also still sorely disappointed. Beau was so good to me in those days. I was going nuts. Was this all in my head and heart Lord? My desires or yours? Or WAS THIS YOU? Tell me! 

Sunday, September 6, 2015. 

That bummer of a weekend of hearing 'no' again, ended with a timely sermon at church. It was in Ecclesiastes about making our decisions, little and big, in light of the Kingdom. In light of eternity. Instead of in light of "the world", and our average of 80 years or so on this earth. Obeying. Even when it doesn't make sense. Even when it seems crazy. But it makes sense because that's what Jesus is asking of us. 

We left church, and on the way home I told Beau that although I was bummed to hear "no" again from Betty, it was awesome that "J" was being matched with a family again. Worst case scenario here was that she would be matched with a family that wasn't us? That's a pretty awesome worse case scenario! 
I told Beau that I was confident that we gave God our "yes". We obeyed when it didn't make sense, and people would think we would be crazy for reaching out for a third child, a second adoption, all so soon.

I continued to pray that this family being matched with her would be a family of believers and love her soooo much. (Previous family to our knowledge were not believers. I really struggled and wrestled with that for the year of knowing she was matched. I prayed and told God I knew that my own children who would grow up hearing the name of Jesus, still may not choose to follow Jesus. So Lord, I know you can draw her to yourself no matter what family she was in!) 

Tuesday, September 8, 2105. 

Monday was Labor Day. And then Tuesday came, and I knew that my friend "L" was returning from her two plus trip to Uganda. (She's the founder of the baby home) I called her to see how the trip went, how the kids and staff/my friends/sisters were, etc. Eventually she said, "Oh Kendra, did you hear that "J's" family didn't come to get her? They're no longer adopting her? That the day before they were to come get her we took J to get her hair styled for court? And then they didn't come? She was heart broken." 

Ummmmm yes. Yes I did know. But my heart broke hearing that she was left waiting, all "done up", for the fourth time, and now knew she would be waiting still. With no family coming.  "L" went on to tell me that she got down in front of J and told her how sorry she was, but that she knew Jesus would prepare and bring a new family that loves her so much, soon. Little did "L" know the turmoil my heart had been in, and that we had contacted Betty twice to be her new family all the while. 

I filled her in all about our previous two and a half weeks of emails with Betty and prayers over her, and that we had offered for her to come home to us. :) 

I thought "L" would think we were crazy. That she would gently tell us, it was a nice gesture (which she did) but that we have Carver and Macy, that it was soon, that we were crazy (confirming what we already knew to be true), but she didn't. She told us that she actually needed to call Betty later in the day to fill her in on her trip, and give updates on other children that were matched with that agency. She said that if "J" wasn't matched, she was going to recommend that Betty match J with US.

HOLD THE PHONE. WHAT?! 

Although my hopes were lifted, I reminded "L" that I knew "J" had already been rematched. And that the agency's state didn't allow us to accept a referral because we hadn't been home long enough. She said she would call anyway. 

Wednesday, September 9, 2015. 

Wednesday goes by. We hear nothing. 

Thursday, September 10, 2015.

Either my control-freak self, or a prompting from the Lord, called "L" Thursday morning.

"L" sure enough confirmed what I already knew. "Turns out Kendra, they had already placed J with another family." (My heart sank, still feeling it WAS TO BE US, I literally said under my breath, "ok Lord. Another no. I hear you. I already knew this. But man. It stings still!") she finished with, "but Betty told me it fell through a couple days ago. And she didn't have a family for her yet. So I told her I had a family in mind, the Christiansen's!" (Now my mouth dropped. And heart shot straight back up with hope and shock.) "L" asked about the six month rule, and turns out we totally misunderstood the email stating that. We were home long enough indeed, we had received our ruling and placement long before the time line of  not being able to proceed. WHAT?!? 

And "L" went on to rave about all the reasons we were capable of taking J in, that C&M would be familiar to her, her "siblings" once in Uganda, would be waiting for her when she walked in the door in Iowa, that I had met and stayed at/near the orphanage many times upon my three trips, and even Beau had met her. 

We finished our convo. Soon after, "L" texted me, "Congrats!"

I texted her back and said, "oh "L", don't do that to me. Until I hear it from Betty, I have to guard my heart here!"

Her response? "Check your email"

Right then, I heard a "bling", with a new email. It was a forwarded email from Betty, confirming with "L" for the go ahead to contact us, to refer "J" officially with us!

I lost it. Right there on the floor while changing Macy's diaper. I lost it. In that moment, God literally parted the Red Sea of my mind and allowed me to see a slideshow of the last year, and more specifically the last three weeks of heartache and praying and wondering if this was my desire? Or His? And He in that moment confirmed, "it was Me. I wanted your yes. You weren't crazy. Now Trust and obey."  

I am forever grateful for how black and white God made it in that moment. I hate gray. And he blessed me with black and white. Grateful that He allowed me to know in certainty that it was Him the whole time. That the constant chorus of "Trust and Obey" hymn that was in my head the last three weeks....was simply preparing us.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you. 

Oh- did I mention that earlier that morning, Carver randomly told me in the Sam's club cart, "Mom, I'll share my toys with "J" when she comes home!"?????? 

Oh, to have childlike faith. 

(Chalk drawing: 10-20-15) 

Knowing that we could be getting what's called "the referral call" any minute, I knew I needed to call our social worker and even see if we could be approved for another child, her age? In the middle of my phone call with her, and her telling me she indeed would----I got a random out of state phone number beeping in. 

This was it. 

It was "Betty". 

Long story short, she stated she was extremely happy to be calling us, and hoping we were still interested (after telling us no over and over) in pursuing "J"? I think I was a babbling idiot in that moment- telling her the crazy reasons I basically have been waiting three weeks for this phone call. I told her about praying, and how God wouldn't let her go from our minds and hearts, and Carver's comments, etc. She told me about "L" recommending us, and how we were good to go with the rule of how long you have to be home, etc. (we had previously misunderstood an email about that. COOL!)

I told her a big, fat, "YES!"  She told me she would immediately send us "J's" file, the requirements for their agency, the fees, the application for their agency, Etc. 

After getting the email with "J's" file....I wondered what her birthday was. I found the attachment that had it listed.....

"10 September, 2008". 

Our sweet girl, Jesus brought her a family,

and us, our now oldest daughter,
on her 7th birthday. 

Glory, glory, Hallelujah. 

Part 1: "When God knocks your socks off". (You holdin on to your socks?)

*** edit: this post was taken down during our in-country process for safety and security issues. Therefore the date published shows the date I am republishing. 

I've come to find out a few things in the last couple of years, they are as follows: 

1.) this blog seems to only surface from the black hole of internet with major life events. Oops. ;) 

2.) the "plan" I/we had for our life, is somewhat just like I had hoped (my heart's desire of spending time Africa in 2011, marrying my best friend- a God-honoring man, and adopting our two children Carver and Macy! Something I dreamed of happening since the 3rd grade.

 Christiansen party of 4!!

3.) Yet, also, other events I never saw coming. And that's what leads me to this post. Another realization that when I proclaim that I follow Jesus and want to strive to live for Him and surrender my "plans" and my life to Him.....it doesn't just stop one day. He doesn't go easy on ya after one or two or three steps of big or little obedience. There is no obedience quota that you meet and then get a day off. Ha! There are times when the rubber truly has to meet the road. 

Recently, we were presented with that reality. Did we really mean that? Will I obey when I don't want to, or when it's hard, or not the best time (in my opinion.), when it will be heart wrenching, or when I think things were going pretty well? 

Realizing that this life is most certainly NOT ours. All a gift from Him. Every breath, another moment of Grace from the one who created me. Every single breath. And sometimes He asks for your "yes" (to obedience) when it seems like you just got done with the last big thing He asked you to say "yes" to. There is no vacation from following Him. You could per say, 'clock in and clock back out'. But I believe that's when you choose to disobey instead of getting to business for Him. :) I'm even finding Jesus will ask obedience of you when you are "content" in life. 

So with that: 

Carver and Macy are gaining a big sister. Yep. A BIG sister. 

Turns out, we didn't bring home our oldest on our last adoption process. 

Turns out, our thoughts of "we're sticking with two, we're man to man, we don't wanna be outnumbered!", in response to our family growing, was off-base or maybe even comical to Almighty God. 

Turns out when Beau left Uganda in February after court and said, "Man, I'm going to miss this place. See you in five years Uganda!" It would be like- next year. Or like. This year. Like, the same year.  

Turns out, the last six months being home, when people would ask: 

"are you done?"

"will you have a biological child now?"

"when will you have more?"

"will you adopt again?"

(Good grief people, we went from zero to two kids- of different ages and genders over night! Isn't that enough for you!?! ;) ha!!)

.......Our responses of: 

"um we just got home with two, I think we're good for now!"

"it's really not up to us!"

"we're man to man. We don't want to be outnumbered!"

"no we don't plan to have biological children!"

"maybe, but not anytime soon, if ever!" 

"We're content with our family of four!"

etc....

.....was more than wrong. 

This story is quite possibly even more crazy and sudden than the adoption of Carver and Macy. If you know us or read those blog posts, you're going to say, "How in the world is that possible?!" Because that start to that "yes" was also nuts. 

We are unintentionally, unconventional apparently.  

(Sorry folks who bought a t-shirt for the party of FOUR, get your sharpies out. ;) ha!)

How did this happen? 

Well, God. Ha! But the details? I'll share in a few posts coming. Stay tuned.

The three weeks that God started stirring in our hearts, all I could think of over and over was, "See a need. Meet a need." and the song I caught myself singing and humming to myself was an old hymn, "Trust and obey, for there's no other way!". That's what Jesus did the entire time he walked this earth. He saw a need and met that need. And He trusted and obeyed His Heavenly Father. A massive example to us as Christ followers. We don't have any 'outs' on that one. And Beau and I are trying to be more intentional with that. At times its with your money, with your prayers, with your time, who knows. We just didn't think this was the next thing to obey, trust, and say yes to. ;)

 ** On a really tough morning as I was walking into Bible study, a few minutes late, a hundred women were singing this hymn....I cried. He keeps reminding me. :) It was so GOOD to sing these out loud in worship with other women/sisters!

Here's why we said yes, when we got the call/and in our hearts, before we even got the call: 

---------------

* God said so. For three weeks He was saying so and preparing us. 

* To say no, we knew would be disobedience. 

* She's from Carver and Macy's baby home. They grew up together in the first years of their lives. I know her. I spent a month's time at this baby home over my three trips to Uganda. Beau met her on our court trip. And when God brings her home, in His will, she will have two familiar faces that are now her brother and sister.

- becuase even when it doesn't make a smidgen of sense, we can trust Him. He is trustworthy. 

Here's why it doesn't make sense, and we should have said no: 

--------------

* people will think we are freaking nuts!

* we just got home with TWO kids at one time. Now THREE in less than/a year's time? (Again, nuts.) 

* we weren't "pursuing" another adoption.

* in the adoption world, she's an "older" child. AKA --Harder to match. Less likely to be adopted. (So ridiculous.) so many people when hearing about us adopting a child under three and a child under 1, would often say, "Oh but you're getting them at such a good age!" (What does that even mean? Most, mean, "you won't have as many "issues" since they're younger? That's crap. Just so you know. ;) ha!) and now all of a sudden a seven year old, isn't that "such a good age"....according to some. 

* it "upsets" our birth order of our children already home. (Non-issue for us.) 

* she has some needs that could be different than we are used to. 

* we have nothing, NOTHING financially set aside for another (international) adoption.

  

* we were 1000% content with our family of four. One boy. One girl. Flawless transition home- a miracle in the adoption realm. Why rock the boat? 

* people will think we're nuts!!

* I feel like I just got HOME from the Mosquitos, the heat, the away from my comforts (my bed, shower, Jimmy Fallon ;) , (remember that post?) food, my gym, my family, my Beau, my free will to drive wherever and whenever/not pay anyone to drive, etc. Did I mention being away from my family? Now having to leave Beau and Carver and Macy behind? 

* pride.  (For a multitude of reasons.)

We just got done with the stress, fear, length, fundraising, waiting, expense, uncertainty of adoption. I was weary of that. I have been enjoying having C&M home, just as much as I have enjoyed being DONE with the process. (Don't hear me wrong, in that the process was refining, incredible, how much I leaned and grew closer to the Lord!) Lord, again? This wasn't our PLAN!

* So now, what will people think? (technically, pride. again.)

It was amazing, absolutely amazing to have so many people's support through the process. It was so humbling. But now, "how can we have our loved ones and friends put up with us again through this!?" It is not just tough and weary on only us. 

* Or "God, you did so many miraculous things the last time, I'm sure our "tank of miracles" is empty/we've prayed and asked for so many things? Why grant us anything more?" I know that I am not thinking rightly of God in those thoughts. (Still learning and being humbled) 

* vacation.

 As if I couldnt reiterate just how much this was NOT our plan........this summer, my hubs received a bonus for his incredible hard work at his job. Well he (Dave Ramsey Jr.) surprised me with a vacation for just the two of us at the end of the year! Ahhhh!!!!

Why? Ironically, to celebrate adoption fees being paid in full, celebrate paying off our student loans, in celebration of the wonderful transition the kids have had, which would allow us to be away, time together (!!!), an anniversary/Christmas gift, and to revel in the fact that we made it through a stressful year+ under the adoption process! Boom. I was shocked! 

Wives, is that not the best surprise ever, huh? AH! I thought so!! Haha! Wonderful! 

Then.....here we are. A couple months later. BACK IN the adoption process. (Oh had we known.)
Oof. (Now I struggle with guilt with that. And putting that money towards this adoption had we known.) We booked this sucker in July. NEVER KNOWING what was coming. Oh boy. 

(Still learning, people! Still learning I don't have control with what's brought or way, just control over how we respond.) 

************* 

As I continually process this - and I'll share more of the story about HOW we came to say "yes" and the incredible ways God shook it all out to us saying, "YES! YES! YES!" We are so grateful that God was so clear on this. There was no gray area. I believe He really shielded us from all the reasons we should have said "no", from the world's perspective looking in. We were united as husband and wife and all four of us can't wait to have her home! We know He works everything for good for those who are called to Him and HIS purposes. 

I have to be honest. It's a daily struggle to KEEP saying yes. The initial yes was a big step, and we know that was the right thing to do, to obey Jesus. But it doesn't stop there. That doesn't mean that the enemy won't continue to try to infuse doubt, fear, anxiousness, frustration, worry, division, etc. Just because God called us to this (again) doesn't mean it will be easy, smooth, quick, painless. It may not be anything like the first adoption process. Well, I can guarantee that. 

It DOES mean however, that His promises hold true this time around too. That He WILL NOT leave or forsake us. We can rest easy at night and go about our days in peace, if we allow ourselves to put off lies and embrace who He is, and the Truth that He is. He holds true to those things whether or not I think it or believe it. My doubt/fear DOES NOT take away from anything that He IS. 

We are praying that just like He clearly had this in the works long before Beau and I were aware, that He will continue to go before us and prepare the way. The way of fees, paperwork preparation, His hand on our new in-country attorney, new social worker, new agency, new judge (most likely), for our daughter's heart (still weird typing that out!), for our family transition from four to five, over my time away from not only Beau- and now away my little loves Carver and Macy, His hand upon new laws that could change for adoptions in Uganda, the wait, you name it! 

He has it all worked out. We don't know what the end looks like. But I KNOW from the last time- never once was I alone.

Never once. 

Two months(ish) HOME- Update!

Carver and Macy update: 

We just hit the two month mile marker this week, that we've been home from Uganda. The most frequently asked question we get is, "How are things going?"/"How are the kids adjusting?"

Errrrr.....Maybe I should do a little update!

To put it real simply, the kids have adjusted seemingly, SEAMLESSLY! We absolutely give credit to the Lord. I've prayed for their adjustment home since we started this whole thing over a year ago. 

We really think that a huge plus in the kids adjusting so well is that I lived in Uganda for a combined eight weeks, more specifically, a solid month at the end before coming home. All the "forever bonding and attachment" started in THEIR home country/culture/climate/with their food, their people, etc. 

I'm soooooo thankful for that time. It was obviously hard to be away from my BEAU, my family, my friends, my church body, my American conveniences, my bed, shower, Jimmy Fallon, etc. hahahaha! But it was sooooo different than the first trip I took by myself in July/August. (Where I was sick without Beau and longed to be home). God was so good to me in allowing me to see and be aware of, "You're going to miss this Kendra, enjoy being here, be present!" I'm so glad I was able to have that mindset the majority of the time. 

Back to the kids! 

Life with Carver and Macy:

- both are phenomenal sleepers. 10-12+ hours of sleep a night. 2+ hour nappers., from the get go. 

- both eat just about anything put in front of them.

- they are both wary of dogs. (In Uganda kids are told dogs/cats will eat them) so unless your dog is lazy, sleeping, or in a coma--- they are pretty skittish around them. Big dogs that are hyper, or even little dogs that are hyper, aren't for them. Our wonderful neighbors across the street have two small, relatively calm dogs, I feel like we are going through therapy with their dogs, they're so patient and gentle in helping us acquaint them with pups (both owners and dogs!). 

- they do great (!!) with meeting new people. Of course they're shy, Carver whispers rather than speaking audibly before warming up, and when they do warm up- watch out! 

- they're both catching on to English soooooo quickly. We knew it would happen! I'm having trouble dropping my "African-English" accent as I explain or answer things when talking to Carver and Macy. You really have to curb your American English accent when communicating with Ugandans. (Any foreign country really, our pronunciation is very different) 

- each day I see the orchestrating of God's hand in confirming our decision (by His direction) in adopting two children. Their brother-sister bond is incredible. I love watching them interact together. 

- both enjoy the pool, going on walks, bike rides, the park, reading stories, visiting our family/visits from. 

(Grandpa's motorcycle)

First "home" pool visit! Success!!

(Training for a 5k with mom!)

Ice cream stops!

Those bike rides!!!

Grammy Julie, cousins Erica and Tripp!

Making brownies after our first home study home visit!! 

Life with Carver:

- he is the most helpful and joyful kid. Rarely in a "mood". He loves to help with the dishwasher, diaper changes of lil sis, mowing and weed eating with his little versions of both, dishes, putting laundry away, folding his blankets and making his bed, you name it. He follows Beau around the yard to do yard work, or if Beau assembles/dissembles anything. 

He helped Beau do yard work one day, and grabbed a giant stick and started "slashing" the grass with it. What was he doing? In Uganda they cut the grass with a giant machete by slashing the grass at an angle. He's seen that a time or two!!! 

- He pretended to do the "washing" with his Easter basket, the way they hand wash, ring out, shake out, and lay to dry- on our furniture around the living room- total Uganda style. So cute. 

- LOVES being read a "book-story". As in one word. Ha! 

- obsessed with anything with wheels: mainly hot wheels cars, aka "motorcars" and tractors. 

- he has THE BEST SMILE AND EYES. We literally cannot go out anywhere without someone saying something somewhere, including the bathroom.

- every single morning, he greets me at a near run and a hug (if I was at the gym) or a giant hug while I'm still in bed, followed with snuggles. "hi mom!" Or "Good morning mom!" Every. Single. Day. 

- if we forget to pray at a meal, he reminds us. He wants to pray at nap time, and bed time, and is up for it whenever I may suggest. He calls it "talking to Jesus". Where a lot of the time he goes through a long thank you list of all his friends from the orphanage or the ones we met at the guest house, mommy, daddy, and Macy. 

- carver has picked up riding a bike with training wheels like it's nothin. :) 

- currently mastering a trampoline.

- he ALWAYS says please, thank you mom (for a drink, his vitamin, food, help with a toy, when I tell him he can throw laundry in the washer/dryer), how are you, excuse me (to get through, when he toots, burps, and even coughs), 

- eight weeks of being home and he's still fascinated with: the washing machine, light switches, flushing the toilet, the fridge water spout, and any vehicle that drives by.

- he's more than slightly OCD about: cabinet doors, drawers, closet doors, being closed. If I leave them slightly open in between grabbing ingredients, etc....it's a mere moment before he says "Mom, close." with this glazed over glance. LOL

- enjoys pulling up a barstool to watch me do dishes and put them on the drying mat. 

- he's seen Frozen once in two sittings. And constantly asks to watch "snowman on big TV?" (The projection screen in the basement.) Poor guy really has no idea what a snowman/snow is. Hehe!!! 

- - we are in full time re-potty training mode with Carver. Potty trained for him in Uganda was walking a short distance from where he was standing to drop his drawers and relieve himself, then return to where he was doing whatever he was doing. So now it's teaching him to go in the potty, not his new article of clothing: the little boy brief. ;) he enjoys a "sweetie", aka *smartie* if he has dry pants! He's improving leaps and bounds! 

- every night. Every night Carver will come up to me and say, "cuddles with mom? Blanket?" When I say yes, he grabs a blanket, crawls in the chair, and covers us both up, and we cuddle. This three year old will lay still and just cuddle, look up into my eyes, and say, "I love you so much mommy." He's the sweetest. 

Life with Macy: 

- I trip over her multiple times a day because when dad isn't around after work (when I become chop liver), she's attached to me by an imaginary wire. (Recently had to clean outside windows on a six foot ladder with her strapped to my back in a carrier.) She stands IN BETWEEN my legs as I do dishes. Not behind, next to, or in front of, in between. ;) 

- she's sassy. We've known that since six months old. And it still rings (veryyyyyyy) true. Stubborn little miss. 

- she loves to ride on our backs, African style. 

- her belly laugh is to die for.

- she really enjoys being pulled in a wagon, especially by Big brother.

- also currently mastering the trampoline. Going from terrified to now exploring solo! Holla!!

- hates veggies.
- hates not getting her way.
- she does this "pretend/fake-out, hitting motion through the air at anyone that she doesn't like in what they said, did, or looked at her. (currently driving me crazy with it....) How does a 14 month (at the time) know how to do sucha thing? 

- tickled, wrestling, chased by dad are on the top of her list of entertainment. 

- mom is currently learning hair care for this miss. Oh boy. People, I can't even do MY hair. Gah! 

Wakey-wakey Macy!!!!!!

Our parents and siblings are, I think I can easily speak for them, ecstatic about being new grandparents/aunts/uncles (or having more grandkids for Beau's parents.) I think we are all still a little dazed about this being REAL LIFE.

WE MADE IT THROUGH, with Jesus at our side, He brought us through. It really happened. No more waiting or questioning or wondering. Hallelujah. 

I'll try to keep you updated more often.  

Carver & Macy's Bedroom

One of the things I did over a yearish of waiting (and distracting myself) for Carver and Macy, was preparing their bedroom. That, and the gym. ;) 

I of course, scoured Pinterest since the beginning of time just a couple of times. I revisited those boards and pins and chose things from here or there to incorporate into their bedroom, and a few personal touches.

We knew we wanted them to share a bedroom for a few reasons:

1.) we have three bedrooms total within our house, and have always had a "roommate" or room to house out of town guests. We wanted to use our space the most efficiently and still be able to have that option to welcome others.

2.) Carver and Macy have shared a room (with five other kids too) at the baby home in Uganda. We wanted them being in a new home, a new country, new family, new culture, to not be added to, by being separated in new rooms. So we kept it to A new room, together. 

3.) they're sharing the bigger room of the two spares, and honestly, now that we're home, they're only in their rooms to sleep. We play outside or downstairs the most. :) 

Ok, so we started with repainting the room. It was this dull ugly light tan-yellowish color. I scouted my favorite color of walls via Pinterest, got the exact paint, threw it on the walls with my youngest brother, dad, and Beau....annnnnnnnnnd, it looks NOTHING like the picture on Pinterest. It looks more green than brown/tan. Ha! Whatever.

Before: 

I remember asking my third graders to help me pick what swatch, one of my boys said, "I think you should go with a more neutral color. I think a bright color will make it harder for them to be calm and sleep!"  LOL what 8 year old says that? I tried. 

We already had a double bed, so yes, my 3.5 year old has a bigger bed than most kids/same size as some couples share. Ha!! Again, 

1.) we didn't want to buy a new bed. 

2.) he'll grow into it. 

3.) it's useful for if we ever house a large amount of guests....that calls for a sleepover in mom and dads room so a couple can share a larger than a twin bed. 

I knew the color scheme I wanted needed to be suitable for a boy and girl- and I'm not a "theme" person: Disney movie character, trains, fairies, whatever. I wanted them to be able to grow into it and easily changed by decor colors, and that if we ever split them into seperate rooms, it didn't matter who stayed with the brown walls. (I say that now.....) I liked combinations of orange, bright green, bright blue, browns, etc. it just so happened Target had a bedding set including all of those! Yay! We slowly added the touches as the year went....so fun!!!!! 

Without further ado, their bedroom.

After: 

My wonderful little boy made his bed and folded all his blankets all by himself. 

(Someone closed the door and wasn't sure how to get back out!)

A wonderful friend, and parent of a student, blessed us with their crib and dresser combo! LOVE that I get to think of them every time I put Little Miss to bed. (Thank you Shimps!!)

Enough stuffed animals for life, before they even came home. 

My aunt's adoption shower gift was making these prints for me, she scoute my Pinterest boards/knew the color scheme and made them for their room. :) 

These animals strings are straight from a Ugandan market. Made from African fabric...one of my FAVORITE touches to their room. Little elephants, zebras, rhinos, and giraffes in bright African colors. A sweet sweet reminder of their first home!

Quilts:

My mom made each of the kids a personalized quilt. :) love the keepsake of that. 

* The easel was a shower decoration that we got to keep.

* I made the giraffe frame from a piece of fabric that matched the bedding, and a gift sack from a shower my class held for me. (All the colors of their room- and giraffe. How awesome!) 

* My sisters (Tay and Katlyn) gifted us with the board with "Orphan no more" from a craft fair they went to. Love the reminder. I am no longer an orphan because of God's love through His son Jesus, and the cross. I'm a child of God. And Carver and Macy are no longer earthly orphans either. :) praise God! We pray that someday they'll also make the choice to become a son and daughter of the King.

* Verse Dedications: These simple cardstock cards were created for each of Carver and Macy by my principal (my boss- haha!) and given to me in front of the entire elementary school one Fall day at Chapel. She prayed over and found a "life verse" you could say, for each of them. (Super cool story about this later) I'm not sure they'll stay here yet, but for now- this is where they stay.)

* Zebra canvas. A wonderful friend of mine found it on their vacation to California! (Then had it shipped back to Iowa and blessed us with it at my classroom shower!) Another favorite in their room!!!! (I LOVE ORANGE!) 

Curtains:

The curtains were home-sewn by one of the amazing grandmas in out kiddos' lives.

World Map Canvas:

Last but not least, I saved up birthday money and giftcards and a nifty Cartwheel coupon, and snagged this baby from Target.  I have this thing for world maps. Globes. (You get it.)

I would often lay on Carver's bed or stand over Macy's crib while we waited, praying for them, and just gazing at this map. How far apart we were. An ocean apart. Continents apart. 

And now, NOW THEY ARE HOME.