Tuesday, December 6, 2011

You'll Come.

Three of my favorite Christian worship artists consist of: Chris Tomlin, Tenth Avenue North, Sanctus Real, and of course- HILLSONG. I'm thankful that our church sings cover songs to Hillsong QUITE often, and when I walked in to church Sunday morning, upon hearing this song- my soul was stirred to an ever-pending issue that's constantly on my heart and in the back of my thoughts every. single. day.

If you know me- you know how heavy the passion of adoption (specificially in Africa since the age of 12. Don't ask me why) in my future is to me and my now husband. I'm so thankful for the desire God has laid on Beau's heart for adoption as well. Hallelujah.

If you know me- you also know that I went to Africa this previous summer for a few months. Possibly, the stories behind that trip, the heart changes, the fuel that fed my heart for nations further.

AND if you read this blog- you've "heard" about "my" two loves that are over in Malawi, Africa. My two, 6-year old twins.
meet: Foster

Meet: Siyeni aka Sammi

I don't know much else to say about the way my heart and mind process the days being with them and now the 147 days being away from them- but I try when I journal to my Savior, who has the whole world in His hands. And although I DO know that and trust that, I still want more, to be more, to ask Him to allow me to be in their lives still- to fill that void they have of why they're in an orphanage.
where there is one, there's the other :)   

EVERY night occurrence. So much so, that if one was in my lap, the other would tell another orphan to translate to me, that they wanted "up" too. :) I didn't work out enough before going to Malawi to hold them both in a plastic lawn chair without my arms trembling. :)
love it!

Ohhhhh Sammi
They loved my iPod.
and morning back scratches in my tent....
can you say mischievous?
Just, stinkin LOVE THEM.
HIV testing...taking it like a champ...(Sammi)
little turd.
show me your picture!! Man, can you believe he colored those people all by himself?? ;)
pyro sam and his scar, and their salvation bracelets we made!! Oh how I pray they'll know the depth of those someday!

Anyway, as vulnerable as this is- here is an excerpt from one of those nights and what races in and out of my thought process.

Heavenly Father,
I find myself coming to You when I’m alone and in the quietness of my home- and my, how ‘home’ has been so different over the last 6 months. Whether it was the tent under the ‘Malawian stars’, the bed in my parent’s basement, or now the home my husband and I now share.
It’s the quiet, that for some reason is when those boys flood my mind. The memories of their laughter, dancing and singing in Chichewa, the way the dirt would cloud up under their scarred, rough little feet while running around the orphanage, how they grab chunks of ‘nsima’ and dip it in the juice of little sardine-like stinky fish, how they take off their shirts and roll them into a ball for a pillow each night and lay on a reed mat on a dirt floor and spoon each other to keep warm. These scenes play over and over endlessly in my head. Pictures and videos I took only make the tears flow harder. That’s all I do when I think of the little twin brothers whose day consists of running around with each other, looking out for one another, going to school, and visiting their grandparents.
 I wonder how their days are in school. What they’re doing at the exact hour and moment I happen to think of them- and pray. I wonder if they think about and miss their mom and dad. I wonder if they like living at Thomas’. I wonder what they’ll be like as they grow older. Will they still be inseparable twin brothers? What would their profession be in Malawi? Will they become husbands and fathers? What’s their relationship like with You? Do they know you like I know You? I pray that they do. And always will. Are you tired of me praying my nightly repetitive tear-filled prayers? How can I better pray for them and lift them up to You? Show me. Will I ever see those precious boys again? Do they remember me? Did they and do they, or could You- let them know how much I love them? How much I miss them?
Father God, can you fill this void in my heart and give me peace about them? Will you clearly show me Your ways? I pray that my eyes and heart will be mindful of You and your Mighty plans. Your ways are perfect. Your ways are always good and perfect.  Amen, and Goodnight. 
 I have decided
I have resolved
To wait upon You Lord
My rock and Redeemer
Shield and reward
I'll wait upon You Lord

As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
Certain as the dawn appears

You'll come
Let Your glory fall as You respond to us
Spirit rain
Flood into our thirsty hearts again
You'll come
You'll come

We are not shaken
We are not moved
We wait upon You Lord
Mighty deliverer
Triumph and truth
We wait upon You Lord

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed
As heart broken as I am over their situation and how I somehow feel as if I've abandoned them since leaving Malawi after such a short time of flooding them with love- this song, the morning after tearfully crying out to God for them....provided the confidence in Christ I so often need reminded of. Whether they live in Malawi forever and I never see them again- I pray that someday because they put their faith in Him...their little lives will be healed, their eyes would be open to Him, and if we all wait patiently on the Lord with our trust in him as our Savior- HE IS COMING and there will be no more hurt or pain or hunger....and it's all for HIS GLORY anyway. And for that, I'll be patiently trying my best to wait patiently on Him and His plans.....HE KNOWS BEST. Maybe He's already used me in someway for their lives that I'm unaware of. But man, those little squirts sure did wreck me :) 

our last day.
last night putting them to bed....sharing a 'bed'/mat....nakey. spooning. praying for them/hugs/kisses. and lots of tears.

if only they knew :)
Join with me in praying for these boys, and millions of other orphan children, and selfishly- for my heart as well. Thanks brothers and sisters. 

Romans 1:9-19a (NLT)
God knows how often I pray for you. Day and night I bring you and your needs in prayer to God


Jen said...

I love how you are caring for orphans by praying daily for those sweet, precious boys. Keep persevering . . . You may never know how your prayers are working in their lives - but God hears will respond on your behalf for them. Love you!

Lisa said...

You know how much I LOVE this post...and you. These little guys are so cute (some of the pictures I hadn't seen before). I am sure these two are thinking of you and the loads of love you poured out on them. I am confident "that" love was enough to last a lifetime because you were the heart of Christ, showing them God's love. So, may your heart take confidence in the promise that God's love is always, ALWAYS abounding.