Saturday, March 14, 2015

The anticipation is KILLING me!

Psalm 27:13-14 (NIV)

13 I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.

These two verses have been the anthem of our adoption, since January 2014. I read these at the time of us starting this journey, and wrote in my BIble, "Adoption Anthem" with the date. 

Since then, DOZENS of people have, without knowing this, encouraged me with these verses, or I've come across them in a blog post, an Instagram page I follow of daily adoration for Jesus, a friend has said- "This verse has been on my heart in regards to you and the adoption", it's popped up on friends' status on Facebook encouraging them, without knowing it was a testimony to me as well. 

It has been CLEAR this was a passage the Lord has wanted me to focus on throughout this process, now a year and two months later. It's the passage I look to now, as we wait to see what God will do this week. 

As you know we finished IOM Thursday, and know it takes up to 5 business days for the US Embassy to receive those results. We know that it took two of our friends only three days to hear and get their appointment. Well, that wasn't the case for a friend here at the guest house right now, he did not hear Friday after finishing three days prior. He too is now waiting to hear and hoping for the Wednesday appointment as well. Our "three days miracle" would be the embassy receiving AND emailing us for a NEXT DAY appointment on Tuesday, for Wednesday.

SO Daniel and I are both waiting for and hoping that we hear we have embassy appointments THIS WEDNESDAY. It's been great to toss ideas back and forth, and even discuss if we both do get this date, also flying home the same flights because they're from Illinois, so we could tag team our three kids between the two of us and help one another all the way home (his wife would even pick him up in DM)!!!!! How cool would THAT BE? Even if it doesn't work out, most likely I'll be  bumped to a Monday appointment and leaving Wednesday night of the following's only an additional five days. BUT HEY, I'd take five more days being with BEAU. BEING HOME. IN AMERICA. :) 

We're not sure what God is saying in this wait. My friend Daniel was so sure he would have gotten that email saying he would have embassy Monday. And nothing came. I've been so fervently praying for a miracle for Wednesday, and have felt a major peace about it. I don't even think my "peace" has anything to do with thinking it's a done deal. I think that peace is a peace that I know whatever we're given, is what God wanted for us, and that's ok with me....I've felt that my days here are numbered, and that's it's very soon that I'll be seeing Beau. I could be wrong. (I have a terrible time deciphering what's from the Lord and what's from my mind.) 

When I came to visit the kids this past summer, I was gone for 11 days, and I was MISERABLE without Beau. I cried all the time, irritable, extremely unsettled, and couldn't wait to get home. Then when we traveled here for court together, I realized how wonderful it was to have him here. So I was DREADING this last present trip here, without him. I've now been here longer than both of those trips, and I can absolutely say that it is God sustaining me 100%. I've had some rough moments, and I MISS BEAU SO MUCH. But I really have felt a peace about being here, with the kids, without Beau- knowing HE HAS THIS. 

Things haven't happened exactly as I would have wanted, things have changed, been delayed a day or two here and there, I've filled a few things out incorrectly with forms and paperwork, and the Embassy has been so gracious and kind to me in explaining or correcting, friends who have gone to embassy have shared how kind the people who did the document check and exit interview were, so that was great to hear and pray for in our situation as well....I've had WONDERFUL conversations with the other adoptive parents here late into the night (Like 2:00am), we've become like family. We've had an opportunity to share the gospel with a single woman here adopting, she's the ONLY person here (staff or resident) who isn't a Christ follower, yet is asking a lot of questions and is super receptive to having conversations, although she disagrees. Cool huh? 

There are many situations here that I would normally "freak out" about, or be uncomfortable, or sick to my stomach about being away from Beau- and I just feel God all over this. There is NO OTHER EXPLANATION for my 'strength', because I AM SO WEAK. I literally cannot believe I am LIVING IN UGANDA. That I'm dodging bodabodas, taxi vans, calling a boda driver, bartering for our fruit in the market, entrusting my life with a driver I DO NOT KNOW, pushing a stroller with two children with strangers all around, in a city of 3 million people, BY MYSELF. Single parenting, away from my absolute BEST FRIEND/husband, in a foreign country, with no "return ticket home"/end date....BY MYSELF. WHO DOES THIS!? It's only the goodness of the Lord, the strength of the Lord, that I haven't gone insane, or been so anxious and scared that it paralyzes me, without GOD HIMSELF, who is WITH ME. I can tell my eyes and heart have shifted from anxiousness and allowing Satan to creep in, to setting my eyes on Jesus and remind myself who is control, who is GOOD, who doesn't feed me lies, etc. That's where the peace comes from- only HIM.

I AM CONFIDENT, no matter WHEN we get an embassy date, or HOW LONG it takes to get approved for visas, that these children are my children, the children God PICKED OUT FOR US one year and two months ago, and that we will BE HOME as a family of FOUR, soon. My soon may be different than HIS soon. I may be disappointed if it's not the miracle I've been praying for, but HE HAS THIS. HE ALWAYS HAS HAD THIS. HE ALWAYS WILL have this. 

And I can promise you, no matter what the calendar day says, when I ride that escalator down at Des Moines International Airport, with Carver and Macy in hand.......and I LAY EYES ON THAT HUNKA-BURNIN-LOVE of a man, the man GOD picked out for me to be my husband....NOTHING, will be better. I cannot WAIT for that moment. Oh. My. Lanta. 

Shameless plug: If you're a willing and able body, whom I love dearly, and want to yell and scream and cry, jump up and down with me that day, whenever it is, come on down to the airport and be a witness to GOD knitting our FAMILY from two to FOUR, in that moment. We best be seein' you there! :) 

(I only request that you haven't showered in the last two days either, so you blend right in with me and the kids after traveling for two days!

LOVE YOU GUYS, pray with us, for the WILL OF GOD to be DONE! 


K, C, & M. from Uganda
B from the USA

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